oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
