were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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