You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
