I puked a lego.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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