i permit you to call me
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
