Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
