People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
