5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
How does one acquire holy water?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
