She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
