I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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