Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
