I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
