dude i'm inner monologue high
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
