This dress was meant to end up on your floor
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
