Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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