i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
