it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
