I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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