Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
