Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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