I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
