If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
