'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I think your dad took our porno
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
