do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
