So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Randomize
