I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
