This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
