This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
