We won't sleep together?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
