my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
