Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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