Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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