Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
