Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
