2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
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