We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
When did angry sex become our thing?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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