Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
