I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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