I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
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I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
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Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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