I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
