and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
