you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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