smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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