I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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