Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
