Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So much rum. So many feels.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
