3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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