No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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