Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He passed out mid-signature
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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