I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
