had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
