I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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