It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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