I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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