first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
