At least make sure they are 18
Why
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
