We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
