Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
