i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
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I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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