that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You may now shotgun with the bride
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
