just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
